"To stay in a relationship rather than hurt your partner is probably not love, though it may seem that way to an outside observer."
"Marriage has this in common with riding a Brahma bull -- that its success is judged less on style points than duration."
Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back”
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn't.
Without geography, you're nowhere.
It's always darkest before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
The chicken came first — God would look silly sitting on an egg.
When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.
I thought about being born again, but my mother refused.