WEEK 137

Some one-liners this week

“Be nice to your children – they will be choosing your nursing home”
Men are like parking spaces; The good ones are taken, and the only ones left are handicapped.
The pessimist may be right in the long run, but the optimist has a better time during the trip.
When everything else fails – try the directions.
— (One of my Dad’s favorites- he was an engineer)
What’s another word for Thesaurus?
— (One of Steven Wright’s favorite one liners)
You need to call woman twice. First time that she could find the phone in her bag, second - to answer.
Help a woman when she is in trouble and she will remember you when she will be in trouble again.
Alcohol doesn’t solve any problem, but neither does milk.
When a girl cries for you - don’t be too emotional. Those tears are like a loan - you will have to pay it back with great interest.
Today I feel like a tampon, in the right place at the wrong time.
Women spend their whole life to find the right man just to tell him everyday that he is wrong.
He who laughs last got the joke late.
I never could bring a woman into my house. At first, because of the parents. Later, because of the wife.
Life is beautiful… from Friday to Monday.
Marriage is the main reason for divorce.
The deeper the pit you’re falling into, the more chance you have to learn how to fly.
Artificial intelligence is nothing compared to natural stupidity.
Think how much you could do if you wouldn’t care what others think.
There is little that can withstand a man who can conquer himself.
— Louis XIV
Je suis the state
— Louis XVI- a historical quote more so than a philosophical quote.
While we are postponing, life speeds by.
— Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too.
— Voltaire
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.
— Anais Nin
Quality is not an act, it is a habit. There is a similar quote for the concept of “excellence”
— Aristotle
Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something.
— Morihei Ueshiba
I don’t pretend we have all the answers. But the questions are certainly worth thinking about.
— Arthur C. Clarke
I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.
— Mother Teresa
I shut my eyes in order to see.
— Paul Gauguin
Art cannot be modern. Art is primordially eternal.
— Egon Schiele