Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.
Who says nothing is impossible? I’ve been doing nothing for years.
Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter... people the opposite.
People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
It’s not important to win, it’s important to make the other guy lose.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
I know that I am stupid but when I look around me I feel a lot better.
If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle!... He’s dreaming too.
Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesn’t contain any calories.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up.
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand.
Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing what I did yesterday.
Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.
When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess.
I’m not suffering from insanity, I’m enjoying every minute of it.
Never test how deep the water is with both feet.
Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control.
You’re born free, then you’re taxed to death.
Silence is golden. Too bad nobody is buying.
I’m in desperate need of a 6 month vacation... twice a year.
The richer you get, the more expensive happiness becomes.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
I don’t work on weekends, or any other day that ends with “Y”.
Don’t ask me anything, and I won’t tell you any lies.
I love my computer because all my friends live inside it!
Don’t disturb me, I am disturbed enough already.
How many roads must a man walk down before he admits he’s lost?
What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It’s just that yours is stupid.
After (M)onday and (T)uesday comes WTF !
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Intelligence is chasing me, but I’m beating it so far.