A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
A word to the wise ain’t necessary - it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.
I intend to live forever, so far, so good.
I refuse to join any club that would have me a member.
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red- hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique... just like everyone else.
My definition of an intellectual is someone that can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the of the Lone Ranger.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.