A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
— Lana Turner
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
— Elbert Hubbard
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
— Jim Carrey
A word to the wise ain’t necessary - it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
— Bill Cosby
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
— Issac Asimov-
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
— Mae West
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.
— Ellen Degeneres
I intend to live forever, so far, so good.
— Steven Wright
I refuse to join any club that would have me a member.
— Groucho Marx
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red- hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.
— Albert Einstein
Always remember that you are absolutely unique... just like everyone else.
— Karl Sandberg
My definition of an intellectual is someone that can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the of the Lone Ranger.
— Billy Connolly
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
— Steve Martin