You can lead a man to Congress but you can’t make him think.
— Milton Berle
A child of five would understand this, send someone to fetch a child of five.
— Groucho Marx
I am not afraid of death. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
— Woody Allen
Everyone knows how to raise children, except the people that have them.
— P.J. O'Rourke
If the facts don’t fit the theory, then change the facts.
— Albert Einstein
A poll was taken to see what people feared most- results #1 Public speaking #2 Death. That means that at a funeral most people would feel more at ease being in the coffin than giving the eulogy.
— Jerry Seinfeld
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
— Joan Rivers

Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m schizophrenic and so am I.
— Oscar Levant
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
— Albert Einstein
Were there none who were discontented with what they have, the world would never reach for anything better.
— Florence Nightingale
I’m the least judgmental person I know, but it wasn’t until I judged everyone else I came in contact with did I know that.
— Steve Greenfield