Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love the most is soap-on-a-rope.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
I’m for whatever gets you through the night.
I have a new philosophy. I am only going to dread one day at a time.
When we talk to G-d, we’re praying. When G-d talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.
I hate housework. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.
I’m not a real movie star. I’ve still got the same wife I started out with 28 years ago.
The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.