I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
My life needs editing.
My only regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Men are only as loyal as their options.
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?
Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.
Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
When I go to a bar, I don’t go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.
There’s always something funny about men chasing women.
There is nothing funny about a well-adjusted intelligent person making the right choices.
Everybody’s funny if you love them.
It’s funny in literature no one ever goes to the lavatory.