Let's laugh, HAkuna Matata

I always try to cheer myself up by singing when I get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems.
— Anonymous
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.
— Anonymous
Some people walk into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts. Others walk into our lives and we want to leave footprints on their face.
— Anonymous
The road to success is always under construction.
— Lily Tomlin
Girls are like phones. We love to be held and talked to, but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected.
— Anonymous
You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
— Dave Berry
It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.
— Sam Levenson
If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter
— John Gotti
Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die.
— Albert King
When I said I cleaned my room. I just meant I made a path from the doorway to my bed.
— Anonymous
I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.
— Anonymous
If you think nothing is impossible, try slamming a revolving door.
— Anonymous
Have ever noticed that anybody who drives slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
— George Carlin
He who laughs last didn’t get it.
— Helen Gragregonio
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
— Emo Phillips
Who says nothing is impossible? I’ve been doing nothing for years.
— Anonymous

For the movie buffs

Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom... Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution... but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice: “We will not go quietly into the night!” We will not vanish without a fight! We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our Independence Day!
— from Independence Day - President Whitmore's call to arms