What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.
Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Just the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I’m beginning to believe it.
There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say.
I took a speed reading course and read ‘War and Peace’ in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
It’s funny how most activists are pacifists.
When I die, I’m leaving my body to science fiction.
The great question.... which I have not been able to answer... is, “What does a woman want?”
I found a great way to attract money... work!
Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
Nobody can get the truth out of me because even I don’t know what it is. I keep myself in a constant state of utter confusion.
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm(honestly, he really did get any respect).
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.
It a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.
Giving up smoking is easy...I’ve done it hundreds of times.
I am desperately trying to figure out why Kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
A rocket will never be able to leave the earth’s atmosphere.