Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.
Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
You can’t buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
You are getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
It’s funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It’s like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered. There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
Feel free to use anything, except my spouse & my toothbrush...I mean it about the toothbrush.
Don’t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn’t want to know? Anyhow, I’m busting for a pee.
Newton’s third law of love: For every Idiot, there is an equal and opposite Gender Idiot!
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
If you can’t live without me, Why aren’t you dead yet?
Love your enemies. It’ll make ‘em crazy.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.
Facebook: A place where you discover that people you once respected can’t spell.